Carry On up the Khyber was a silly spoof of the British Empire.
It seemed hopelessly dated – till this week when it emerged the deluded Tories want to revive the glory days when one in five of the world’s people bowed to Britannia.
In the 1969 film, Queen Victoria’s Indian governor Sir Sidney Ruff-Diamond (Sid James) and the 3rd Foot and Mouth Regiment (The Devils in Skirts) enter a farcical battle with the Khasi of Khalabar (Kenneth Williams).
What the Devils wore beneath their kilts is a key theme of the, ahem, “plot”.
But at least this nonsense parodied the Raj. The Tories Brexit process is turning into one long Carry On Film.
The UK have a cunning new plan called “Empire 2.0”. It comes on the back of the ludicrous idea of rebuilding the Royal Yacht Britannia to help negotiate trade deals – presumably so that Boris Johnson can abseil down the main brace.
It means turning our back on the largest and richest single market in the world – which happens to be on our doorstep – to trade instead with former colonies in Africa and Asia, where we do a lot less business.
Actually, we already do trade with these countries. As a member of the EU we have preferential trade deals with 55 countries, including those of the Commonwealth.
And of course we can maintain bonds of friendship with the Commonwealth, as was seen in the Commonwealth Games.
But the Empire itself should be buried. Conquering and killing other peoples is nothing to be proud of. Unless you think you are a superior “race” – which some Tory neanderthals clearly believe.
This week, Liam Fox, the Brexiteer minister of trade tweeted that “the United Kingdom is one of the few countries in the European Union that does not need to bury its 20th century history”. Those with a sounder knowledge of 20th century history than Fox were quick to point out quite a few shameful highlights – or rather low points.
There was the Amritsar Rising in India in 1919 when those peacefully protesting against colonial rule were gunned down by troops inside a walled garden.
Within 10 minutes, it’s estimated 1000 were killed with another 1100 injured.
Read the rest of my column here.